I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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