My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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