Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
