It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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