Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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