Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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