on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
