can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
