I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
and she was petting her beer can
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
