She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
All the doctor said was why
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
