in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think I am morally bankrupt
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
