She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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