you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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