i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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