we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
