Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
