At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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