And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
