I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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