I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
