Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
