Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
