Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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