So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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