i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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