I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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