Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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