I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
