If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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