Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize