So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
