Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
