I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
