im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
