I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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