Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
