saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
