That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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