They should really pass out barf bags in church
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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