I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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