maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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