yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
youre lurking in front of me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
