just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize