Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
