if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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