i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize