gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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