Little spoons don't ask big questions
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
