so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
