As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
