So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize