genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
