Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
