Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
