I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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