you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
