Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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