She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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