I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
