WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
