I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think I am morally bankrupt
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
