He kissed a someone with a penis
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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