You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Randomize
