Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There was a lot of him and a little penis
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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