I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
