I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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