This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
