I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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