I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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