i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
