i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
