Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
