so explain again why im purple
no
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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