I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
